16 years ago I'd give anything to have a ball in my hand and shoot hoops. Now its become more of an "unwanted Christmas gift" as my ethics teacher would put it. I used to love throwing on a pair of basketball shorts and shoes and playing a game or two with the neighbor hood children or my family members.
I remember the way my dad used to push me and drag me to every practice up until I became old enough to take myself. I remember how much I did not want to go, not knowing where it would take me. I even remember the look on my parents faces when I told them I had recieved a full ride scholarship to play college basketball. Unfortunately, all of my enthusiasm has some how faded and this sport has turned into more of a dreaded chore. I have forgotten how to love it. I have forgotten how to gain my confidence back. I have forgotten why it used to make me smile. Have I out grown it? Or have I forgotten who I am?
seems as if every game, every practice this year alone has been either days that I honestly want to forget. I honestly thought I was growing closer to my team when in fact I feel like the outcast. The outcast in my own doubts, confusion, lack of confidence, and lack of heart.
Once upon a time, I had huge dreams of becoming an all-star, of playing against the best, of being the BEST. Some how I have forgotten what that feels like or better yet, what that actually means. When I was at home I used to stare at my trophies all day and reminise on how great I played and how I contributed to winning that award. Those days have gone away and so has my spirit.
Maybe it is best to leave my past behind me.
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