when you love someone

"When you love someone, you just dont treat them bad." Donnell Jones! This is so true. When you're in love you feel your knees go weak ur blood rushes to ur heart and it starts beating out of control.

People Come into Your life For a Reason

Parents can be a pain in the ass. Trust me I know. From personal experiences. Living at home for 18 years  long years, you never stop and realize how much stuff u take for granted. Remember the bike rides, mom volunteering to wash your clothes, and dad mowing the lawn. It gets an unbearable at times because you have to understand that you are on your own and everything in your past life was a luxury/. Sometimes I wish time could stop time and pause when things are good. You will know that be somewhere that is comforting and familiar. But then college comes and you are forced to sprout your own wings and fly away.

My Magazine business

 there is an occupation i would like to partake in . and that is the Magazine Editorial business.
My magazine will be called, S.P. I.I. C. E
This acronym stands for:
Specially Prepared Intelligent Intellects Creating Entertainment

My magazine/organization will be designed to promote the talents of people across the United States and eventually the world, who have yet to be discovered. I want to target the people that you would least expect to have a chance at being famous.

For example: the homeless man on the corner who carries a rhythm like no one else when he is playing his instrument.  The average person  will typically bypass them as nothing when in reality they could be the next big thing in the music industry.  Or Picture this A young girl like me writing her life story in a journal daily. If given the proper opportunity her journal entries could be the start of the next big novel or series. Eventually turning into a motion picture. The average person would never know with out the proper recognition.

The only drawback I think I have with this is actually getting started.
I am a college student and I my time right now is limited. But I have been taking courses in Composition, Computer courses, Psychology, and Marketing. All of these classes currently have helping me but I  know its going to take a lot more work.

I could seriously use some suggestions on how I go about getting started on the magazine itself.

Someone to Love Me

How long does this good girl have to wait for someone to man-up and ask me out? Not ask me to his bedroom. Like everyone in the world I was born with the ability to share my feelings with another person. All I need is someone to be there for me and everything I go through. Whether it's good or bad, I want them to see me as a human being not a toy, whose heart is so frgile it breaks so easily. I don't even know if I could take a chance. I think I put all my effort into one person maybe once or twice. I dont know if i have the strength to go through it again. I have not officially drawn the white flag, but next time someone attempts to love me, I will wait and attempt to be more cautious. I refuse to play the victim anymore. Next time, I say forever I hope that person will understand that I mean it. Good Girls like me dont come around too often and when we do, you better treat us right.

How do you know?

You're just a girl
They said
What do you know
They ask
You barely even know your name
What do they have to gain
No Dignity, no loyalty
Heck, your human
Perfection, highly over rated
Precision, is astronomical
You know my worth
Here's a penny
Forgiveness, forget about it
Forget, how to apologize
That's easy
In love, you say
Please walk
Away, just leave
 How far
Take a Hike
A hike to nowhere

FUTURE

When I discover that I am with child. I want it to be more than a pregnancy but a "BEAUTIFUL SURPRISE" I want the father of my children to be around 110% and be 120% supportive. I've heard several times that the nine months are extensive and in some case painful. But the results are worth it. I want a natural birth in a hospital. No C-sections. It does not matter what the gender is but I guarantee that they will be spoiled. If it's a boy, my name choices are: Chase, Blake, Branden, Gage, Cayden, Cody, or Cole. If it's a girl: Cailah, Cambrie, Carlyn, Cassidy, Candace, or Gracelynn. My son will look very similar to my brother. He will have green eyes, and dark brown hair, hopefully my skin complextion. My daughter will resemble me almost instantly. She will be born with denim blue eyes that will eventually turn hazel with dark brown curly hair. I can imagine that I will become instantly attatched. I think my children might be securely attatched to me for a while. I will spoil them to a certain extent. They will be respectful to me, their father, and their elders. I just want to be a good parent and provider for them so they wont have anything to worry about financially.

AMBITION!

I know I've been working extremely hard for thirteen years at this, but back then things were a lot easier than they are now. College is my occupation. All my time and energy goes into my school work and basketball. I'm getting payed to play now (scholarships). So it is no longer a walk in the park or a back yard sport with my brother and cousins. I am also getting paid to get a higher education and that of course I will not take for granted. Its far too late now for me to back down and give up my dream. Because when you want it the most there is no easy way out. I cannot give up on this dream that I have created myself. Failure and guilt are not an option at this point. I've worked extremely too hard for this moment.

Still running through my mind

    I still remember the first day I met you. What you had on and what you said to me. AT a job i thought was pure waste of time I found something to occupy my time and truly capture my attention/ The way you introduced yourself. It sent me back to the "alphabet carpet" in kindergarten when we were surprised to find other people just like us. I cannot decide if it was your smile or the tone of your voice that drew me in. But boy I swear, if i were a fish and you were the fisherman, you'd have me hooked right away. Things eventually took a huge jump from the friendship zone into something more. At the time I thought we were ready, but I wish I thought about my strategy again. Feelings and emotions were tossed in and a bond formed that was stronger than some silly friendship. I got hitched fast and thank God it was for a good reason.
   
 Since I left to better myself for society, I never ever forgot what we had. A simple text or phone call does not compare to the way that I miss you. I miss the way we looked at each other. How our eyes never left each other. I miss the laughter that we shared when humor was present. I miss the sweet kisses and hugs that we shared. I miss the way he was always possessively watching me whenever his friends were around. He always made sure they didn't get to close. And of course I would return the favor. When I departed for my future, I could see the remorse in your eyes saying that you wanted me to stay but you wanted me to be happy. However I hope I am not too late when I say this, I want to be his wife. I want what we used to have and more. Honestly out of all the fellas I kicked it with he was the only real one.

Think ABout it

If humans had the ability to fly
Do you think I'd be here
If I had the option to go invisible
I would not want to be seen
If a pen were glued to my hand and I had all the time in the world
I'd write a novel about my life.
If I had the power to read minds
I'd tap into the side of you, that you constantly try to hide
If tears were forbidden from falling from our eyes
Id never have a reason to cry
If time was always on my side
Every minute, hour, and second would be mine
If people understood me and the way I do the thing that I do
They would ignore my flaws and get to know the girl inside
If they ever to took the time to get to know me
They would never know at all.

Playing with Fire

Playing with fire
Yeah, you will get burned
Is it the honest truth?
Nope, its just for pretend
You always get hurt
Thats what happens in the end
With a heart
You can play
Like a toy or a game
But the puzzle is, will it work?
Why do we love those
Who we were meant to hate?
Why do we turn our backs on
Those we are supposed to love
Maybe selfishness is okay
Why are we taught to share
When its the right thing to do
What happens when an old flame
Has a new spark?
Game Over

Names for my future Children

Boys: Cayden, Cody, Blaze, Blake, Chase, Gage, or Cole
Girls: Cailah, Carlyn, Cassidy, Candace, Cambrie, Christa, Alaicia, Alexia, Kellie, Carmen, Gracelynn
As you can see the majority of their names begin with a "C" I want my children to always have a part of me in them ... Names included. I think Im going to be a fabulous mother

Bad MOOD

• Attitudes
• sassy Kids
• annoying adults
• Bad Hair days
• Liars
• backstabbers
• obsessed boys
• Drama
• judgmental people
• sales that are not really sales
• loosing important items
• Disrespectful people
• nosy people
• long hours
•  running without a purpose
• Issues that dont include me
• Hearing my name used in a negative way
• no food
• nagging parents

Celebrity Look a Like

Have you ever compared yourself to somone famous? or Has anyone ever constantly compared you to a well known person? Well in my case I have been told several times that I look like, Rihanna and Tyra Banks. Not sure which one I resemble the most but I think its mainly my eyes and my hair (when it is done). Since my eyes are noticably hazel green and my skin tone is lighter than most Black girls people assume I look like Rihanna. When my hair is done and because of my height I have a strong resemblance to Tyra Banks. Both women are extremely attractive and I'm happy that I look like them I guess. I have even tried to incorporate their styles (Rihanna's) especially into the way that I dress.

Shakespeare & Me

If my life were written as a play of William Shakespeare, I think it would be a combination of a romance and comedy. I think when it comes to the romance department I move to fast with my emotions and I always let them get in the way of reality. The people in my life sucha as my friends and family members might assist me in the comedic department. Everything I do, is equivalent to that of the 3 stooges. My setting would mainly be at home in Detroit. Everything dramatic takes places behind the doors of parents home. It will eventually branch out to my college. I think I can compare myself to that of a character from "A Midsummer's Night Dream!" Its one oof my favorite.

Things Will Blow Up

Doing things that are risky and doing things that you assume are okay may eventually become tragic. I've seen it happen. I've witnessed it more. More importantly I was a victim. I know the damage it can do to a person. I experienced the brutal mental destruction that serious slip-ups can cause. I understand that not everyone was designed to be perfect and that everyone has flaws. Having sex with several people, losing good friends, disappointing parents, and more importantly degrading yourself can effect you negatively. In my case, I went through a serious stage of depression. During this stage I refused to go out, I ate less, I couldn't sleep because I was afraid reality would haunt me in the one place that I thought i was safe. I went through this period where i barely recognized myself. People tried to reach out but I had to find the will in myself to fight through it. And I had to learn that life does go on. Since my juvenile stage I have made wiser, mature, and less risky decisions in the way that I live.

Dedication

To all those whose walls come crumbling down

Whose smiles are now completely frowns

For those who are lost with nowhere to go

And for those who are sad and honestly don’t know

To those who lost all hope and trust

Where love is forgotten and so is the lust

Where happiness is chewed up, spit out and devoured

Where courage is now over powered

Then for those whose wisdom is no more

Learning and teaching are just a major bore

Day in and Day out you ask for a sign

When your soldiers are at the front line

Ready for the battle you take the lead the way

Praying that on your side God will stay

Giving to those in desperate need of a proper salutation

Just listen to my dedication

Jealousy (ORG)

Verse 1:
Across the room
I sit and wait (I'm waiting, just waiting)
trying to assume
That what you are trying to do
Is pure revenge on me
Repremanding
Never Understanding
Why you do the things that you do (to me?)

JEALOUSY
Never something I want to be
Jealousy
It makes me go crazy
jealousy
Just look at me
Im feeling the pressure
Its uneasy

Smile for the camera (take a picture, it will last LONGER)
Emotions spread across your face
Whats the competition? (A heart that was never meant to be YOURS)
I have what I want, and Nothing more
Is it that hard for you to understand
That girl I could careless (if I wanted I could take him)
I really have the slightest

JEALOUSY
Never something I wanna be
JEALOUSY
It makes me go crazy, thinking I feel the slightest
Jealousy
Look at me, in my eyes
You see the reality

You're just Jealous, Jealous JEALOUS, of ME! (2X)

True Colors

When you are in a place for a certain amount of time. You begin to see how people really are. You may see that the people you consider "cool" can start out being your friends can eventually become your worst nightmare. When you do things that are not in your character and people spot that as vulnerability and in some cases, weakness. Those individuals will turn the things that you dread the most hideously ugly. They will seek every opprotunity they can to make your life miserable at any cost. If you face these same people with a smile and use your courage that you were born with they will be forced to draw the "white flag" Everyone is not programed to be loved by everybody. It is important to remember to remove yourself from kindergarten and grow up to understand that not everyone is going to like you.

Heartbeat

Like the sound of a drum
Like the wave of the Pacific
Smooth like a baby's bottom
Rough like a Diamond
Steady like the rhythm to my song
Clear like the letters in my name
Strong like a lion holding it's prey
Soft like a lullaby
Calming like an autumn breeze
Frozen like the crystals in a cave
Different, nothing ever stays the same
Silent like the wings of a butterfly
Loud like my hihg school's marching band
Unique like artwork in a gallery
Consistent like a habit too hard to break
Important, without it you would die
Become a part of it, maybe I'll try
Beat as one, creating a pulse
Thump, Thump, Thump, Hear it
That's my heart and its beating for you

Back in time

If I could go back in time
I'd change things
Make them better
Control the rebellious thoughts
Tame my teenage hormones
Prevent my heartaches
Earn respect not a reputation
Give high fives, not open thighs
Smile more and accept what is, and not what is to be expected
I would believe that all my dreams are real and not just a possibility
I would become highly dependent on myself versus influenced by my peers
I would rely on my gut and not let my emotions get in the way of reality
I would learn to be more careful with my decisions and act more responsibly
I would be upfront with my parents and avoid hiding meaningless things
I would take their advice more seriously
I would be more appreciative of everything they have done for me
I want to look back on my past and smile