And the Truth comes out

I remember all the events of my life, ALL OF THEM even the ones that I wish never happened. I remember my first friend, I remember the first day of school (elementary, middle, high school, and even college) I remember falling in love for the first time, I remember my first kiss, even my first time. All of those first led to so many other things. The hardest part is learning which of all your endeavors you want to relive, which to regret, and which to forget.
 The memories that serve a special meaning in my life. Like meeting my little brother for the first time or meeting my first roommate . Those are special times that still make me smile to this day. Although they were years ago, I still have a reason to keep them in the back of my mind. They are thoughts I intend to cherish for the rest of my life.

Aside from the good memories there are also those thoughts that I try to put and keep behind me. Everyone at some point and time goes through those reckless stages. Unfortunately, my reckless stage began my junior year in high school and ended my sophomore year of college. During that time, I thought that my body was the only way for guys to notice me or pay any attention to me.  At the time I thought it was the only way for me to be seen. I let guys take advantage of what I had to offer. I'll be even more brutally honest. I thought it was there way of showing their affection. However, I was wrong. They took my kindness for weakness. But who am i to point to the finger when I let it happen. I let them in. It became essentially an addiction. Almost like a drug. To the point where it seemed like there was no going back from it. And as a result I earned myself that "label". Every day I would look in the mirror and find myself questioning who I was. Was i the little girl that my parents tried to raise to be Godly, and respect and love her body? Or had I turned into a creature that was consumed in her own irrational obsession with the sensual side that made me human?

Even when I try to bury those hidden agendas deep in the past.They some how find ways to resurface. And just like everything that I do, good or bad, I will have to live with the decisions and choices that I make.