You Do not Deserve me

Heartbreak after heart break, tear after tear, scream after scream , I still manage to stand strong and tough. i still manage to see the bright side in things. Sometimes I wish i was not capable of always being positive. Sometimes I wish I could lash out and just loose it and not have people worry about me. Especially when it is necessary.
 I just do not understand how someone could honestly stab me in the back the way people have done to me. I am honestly the nicest most loyal person ever. I am true to my friends and those i consider to be more than that or have the potential to be. I just do not understand how any just person could take that small bit of kindness and take advantage of it like it means absolutely nothing.
I mean at this point in life I have high expectations of people acting like rational adults about situations that can easily be handled. Like if i am not what you want or I am not good enough tell me. Showing pure signs of disrespect is intolerable in my opinion. On the other hand it does help me develop thick skin and a wiser mentality about people. I refuse to be walked over or stepped on or used. I refuse to a convenience for anyone I have higher standards then that.
Once again, I accept an appology that is not pure or genuine or real. I accepted Satan before i opened my heart to the Lord.